The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
