sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
