i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
