first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Randomize
