mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
