were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
