If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Come back. Shots need mouths.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
