I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
