my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
