Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
me + whiskey = a bad person
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
