My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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