Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
