it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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