Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
