He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This is my gift to your gina
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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