I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
