hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
