When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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