He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
