In the future we'll all be gay
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
