you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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