is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
