why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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