and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
