just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
