If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
we're so committed to being not committed
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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