I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Terrible idea I love it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
