At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
