A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
