P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
