she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
