When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
