there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
