last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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