the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
