Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
