not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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