how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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