i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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