like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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