So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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