the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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