And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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