So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm just crazy horny about you
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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