So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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