how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
