I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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