Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
