my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
