dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
